Ship Wars
by BentReeds
Summary: A note passed by a Hogwarts student ends up in the hands of Voldemort. How many people have written on this note? And about what? Shipping. Harry Potter Shipping.


**Just what the students of Hogwarts would think of ships, it defies time and reason, just go with it. Written after the sixth book.**

Parvati's Note

Okay, everyone, the rules are simple. All you have to do is name the ship you sail, and the reason you sail it.****Fill this out and send****this to the person you think would add something great. Break the chain and bad luck shall plague your forever! And make sure Professor Binns doesn't take it away... if he can.

Name: Parvati Patil

Ship: Dobby/Winky

Reason: Wouldn't that just be the cutest! Totally Kawaiiness..

Not shipping: Dobby/Giant squid. Wtf was that about!

_Name: Padma Patil_

_Ship: McGonagall/Snape_

_Reason: What about that time at the Triwizard Cup? When he pushed her out of the way?_

_Not shipping: McGonagall/Nimbus 2001_

Name: Lavender Brown

Ship: Ron/Death

Reason: HE TOTALLY DUMPED ME!

Not shipping: R/Hr

**Name: Hermione Granger**

**Ship: R/Hr**

**Reason: Because of the anvil sized hints!1121!1!1!**

**Not shipping: Hermione/Draco. Who the heck came up with that! I am not, nor will I ever, date Draco Malfoy. **

**_Name: Ron Weasley_**

**_Ship: Ron/Fleur_**

**_Reason: I would totally go for it._**

**_Not shipping: Ron/Harry. We are just friends people. Just friends. Really. We. Are. Just. Friends. Only friends. Just to clarify, we are just friends. Nothing more. Just friends._**

**Name: Harry Potter**

**Ship: Voldemort/Myrtle**

**Reason: There was this moment when he looked at her dead lifeless arm like... wow! (He totally deserves her) That's how I'll defeat Voldemort. With Love! That's exactly what Dumbledore intended.**

**Not shipping: Dum/McG Ew... just ew...**

Name: Ginny Weasley

Ship: Fred/George

Reason: Incest, yummy.

Not shipping: Ginny/Riddle WTF!

_Name: Luna Lovegood_

_Ship: Fudge/Goblin_

_Reason: He took on a new leaf and he no longer persecutes the goblin race. Though, I suspect that Rufus Scrimgeour has signed a pact with Mermaids to take over the world, one body of water at a time._

_Not shipping: Thestral/Hagrid There's no chemistry..._

_Name: Neville Longbottom_

_Ship: Harry/Ginny_

_Reason: The anvil sized hints!_

_Not shipping: Snape/Grandmother... shudders_

**Name: Professor Sprout **

**Ship: Hagrid/McG**

**Reason: There was this time when they got absolutely drunk, and kissed.**

**Not shipping: Sprout/Mandrake That undermines my authority.**

**_Name: Professor McGonagall_**

**_Ship: Prof. Sinistra/Snape_**

**_Reason: They both have S's in their name! Isn't that a weird coincidence!_**

**_Not shipping: Dumbledore/Sorting Hat. As deputy headmistress it is my duty to stop the spreading of vicious rumors about our headmaster!_**

Name: Professor Flitwick

Ship: Swish/Flick

Reason: You all know by now...

Not shipping: Quirrell/Troll, it would never work out.

Name: Professor Lupin

Ship: Sirius/Motorcycle

Reason: I've seen it and it's not pretty.

Not shipping: Lupin/Boggart. It was one lesson! Get over it...

_**Name: Sir Nicholas De Mimsy-Porpington**_

_**Ship: Filch/Mrs. Norris**_

**_Reason: Why all the midnight walks!_**

_**Not shipping: Bloody Baron/Peeves The thought makes my blood curdle. Wait! I don't have blood...**_

**Name: Rubeus Hagrid**

**Ship: Hagrid/Olympe**

**Reason: Er...**

**Not shipping: Blast Ended Skrewt/Flobberworms. You kids are weird. And I have never ever violated the law against the interbreeding of dangerous magical species. EVER! Ever! Ever! Ever... ever...!**

Name: Rosmerta

Ship: Aberforth/Goats

Reason: I've heard rumors...

Not shipping: Rosmerta/Draco. The internet is so perv.

_Name: Fudge. Ex minister of Magic_

_Ship: Fudge/Rosmerta_

_Reason: Come to me my pretty..._

_Not shipping: Fudge/Umbridge. Even I have to draw the line in government corruption somewhere._

**_Name: Arthur Weasley_**

**_Ship: Rubber Duck/Rubber Chicken_**

**_Reason: I wonder what would happen! Muggles are so ingenius!_**

**_Not shipping: Arthur/Plugs. Never believe a word Fred and George say._**

_Name: Percy Weasley_

_Ship: Percy/Penelope_

_Reason: Ah, Penelope..._

_Not shipping: Percy/Crouch. Don't be like Fred/George._

**Name: UMBRIDGE**

**Ship: Death/Half Breeds**

**Reason: All half breeds are a danger to society as we know it. Not the ministry.**

**Not shipping: Voldemort/alive. YOU MUST NOT TELL LIES!**

Name: Lucius Malfoy

Ship: Lucius/Narcissa

Reason: She's one hot mama...

Not shipping: Narcissa/Snape. I'm leaving my office to go kill him right now...

**Name: Narcissa**

**Ship: Draco/Pansy**

**Reason: What? I think my boy deserves a nice pureblood marriage. Don't you?**

**Not shipping: Draco/Hermione... People... get a grip.**

Name: Bella (Trixie)

Ship: Bella/The Dark Lord

Reason: I'm his most prized servant!

Not shipping: Bellatrix/Rudolphus I've been trying to get rid of him for a while. Why doesn't arsenic work?

**_Name: Draco Malfoy_**

**_Ship: Draco/Luna_**

**_Reason: Think of all the lovely blonde hair! My hair is my most prized possession..._**

**_Not shipping: Draco/Harry. I'll get you for this, Potter!_**

**_Name: Half Blood Prince_**

**_Ship: Snape/Ulterior motive_**

**_Reason: None of you will know my motives until the next book! Bwa ha ha ha ha!_**

**_Not shipping: Voldemryt. The hip new name for Voldemort/Myrtle. Ten trillion points from Gryffindor for suggesting such a stupid ship, Mr. Potter. _**

Name: Volde--- Wait! What the f----? Myrtle? THAT"S IT! DEATH TO ALL!

_**And so... Voldemort moved on to conquer the world... and Harry defeated him... with LoooooooOOOOOOOooooooooove...**_


End file.
